Breaking Free from Toxic Family Relationships | Mindset & Self-Boundaries

What does it take to walk away from toxic family dynamics and finally choose yourself? In this powerful conversation, Rachel sits down with Caressa Dunphy to unpack her journey of breaking free from a lifetime of manipulation, conditional love, and control.

From being told as a child she was “too much,” to navigating the military for education, to ultimately severing ties with her entire family tree—Caressa’s story is one of resilience, intuition, and the courage to prune what no longer serves. 🌱Caressa’s message is clear: your soul always knows the way home, and happiness is possible—even if it means rewriting the definition of family.

🎧 Tune in now and let this conversation remind you that breaking cycles is not only possible, it’s a path to freedom.

You can find Caressa and her work through A is for Avocados, her private nutrition practice, and her own Badass Thriving Podcast. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Hey guys, welcome back to the Fitzin Project, where I'm your host, Rachel Fitzpatrick, and today I want to introduce you to one of the biggest badass women I know. Like Carissa Dumffy is the voice behind the Badass Thriving podcast, but she's also like the soul behind the badass thriving. She is a military veteran, a mom, a dietitian, and totally one of courage, resilience, and radical self-trust. Her story alone is one that gave me just probably about a dozen chills throughout my body as she was speaking, where she has turned her pain into purpose. And she also helps others by providing a private practice. And it's called A It's for Avocados. So she not only has healed herself, she's outreaching to other people, and I cannot wait for you to listen to the how and why and her whole entire story that's coming up in this podcast. It's raw, it's real, it's powerful, and I believe you're gonna find the light and inspiration just as I did. But first, let me ask you, can you do me a favor? Can you just pause the episode, go down and give a five-star review and write a comment? I would absolutely love the feedback. And not only does your review and your commentary help the show thrive and be seen, it also provides me a way to get people on and keep it going. And I absolutely can't be more grateful than I am for those who give the love back in return. So thank you, thank you, thank you ahead of time and to all the ones that have already done so. And if you'd love to join the fits in community, let me invite you to subscribe to the free newsletter that I send out once a week. And I just get to shower my community with a ton of love. You get some personal insights from me, and you also get some tips and tricks with yoga and meditation, and not to mention the awesomeness of the podcast directly linking you to the show. So without further ado, let's get back to Carissa and I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

SPEAKER_01: 2:38

Thank you for having me. Thank you for inviting me on. I'm so honored. Oh my gosh, I am honored.

SPEAKER_00: 2:46

I listened to your first podcast, and I was just like, I want to ask all these questions. Please do. Oh, Carissa, that was so great. Uh, your podcast is Thriving. Bad Bast Thriving, yep. Yeah. And you have such a story that I feel like a lot of people can resonate with. And I feel like a lot of people may carry shame around if they resonate with it. And oh, I'm tingling already, just talking about it. And I'm just like, could you? I don't even know. I want you to begin where you want to begin, and then I'm gonna flow with you on all of it because this is this is gonna be great. I can feel it already.

SPEAKER_01: 3:37

Do you want me to just sort of give the whole backstory so your listeners know, or where would you like me to start?

SPEAKER_00: 3:43

I'm what is calling on you? So you know what? I would love for my listeners to go out and listen to your story as part one, and then this be your part two. I want to know if we're in part two of your story. Like, how can you overview what what you had and then going in from there? Let's let's do that.

SPEAKER_01: 4:08

Yeah, so I had a very odd start to life. Um, right from a very small age, I remember being told that I wasn't wanted and that I wasn't planned for, but I was still like quote unquote the miracle child, despite three different contraceptions. Um and so at a very young age, you know, that being held over my head that my maternal biologic had to go on uh bed rest because she started going into labor when she was only three months pregnant with me. And so she had to put all of her hopes and dreams on on hold. Um at four and five, I started being told I was too bossy, I'm too much of a know-it-all, I'm too controlling. You know, those are all, you know, amazing qualities if you're a boy and you're a man and those are leadership qualities, right? But as a girl, being told in a very derogatory way, right? Like those are not okay. And so at four and five, I remember being like the vocabulary I had was that that felt yucky to me. That didn't feel nice, it felt gross, right? At four and five, you don't have an extensive vocabulary to really say, you know, how this is hurting your feelings. And so, you know, I was I was I'm a May babies, I'm a Taurus, I'm very stubborn. I was born on a Friday the 13th at 4:44 p.m. So like I don't know how much more magical you can get. I'm like, you're magic baby. I'm magic, I'm a unicorn. Yeah. Um, so at four and five, I started making myself small because I knew that I was never going to be loved and accepted as being this big, bright, stubborn, beautiful unicorn of a child that I was. And so I remember just being smaller than I wanted to be. I just remember being told for so long, you know, like that that kind of shame of who I was. And so I was homeschooled all 12 years and I wanted to go to school so bad. I wanted to go to school and actually attend a real school, but I was not allowed to. And so at 12, we adopted another child, and I have an older biological and then I have several adopted child um siblings. Um, but it was one of those, like at 12, I stopped being parented because now the focus wasn't on me. Now there was a new kid in the in the household. And so my schooling got put on hold at the time when algebra is happening and all of those like heavier subjects, right? And so I had to start parenting myself. And I was a country girl, and so all the chores and the responsibilities of having a farm fell to me, as well as I was the built-in babysitter. So, like, I didn't have a childhood. I didn't have, you know, that carefree, magical childhood experience that you know you get to hear about from a lot of people. And I just remember at 16 being so frustrated with this homeschool curriculum back in the early 2000s that was computer-based. It was kind of a dinosaur, but a new thing all at the same time. Right. And I just remember at 16 fighting with this damn curriculum and and promising myself that I would achieve a real education. So it was really important to me. So at 16, I made a two-fold promise to myself that I would get this education and that I would get a doctorate. Because I was like, why not aim for the stars and I'm gonna aim for the stars, right? Um, and so at 17, I enlisted in into the military because I had no funding to go to school and there was no way that I was gonna get any kind of financial support from my biological family. And so I I enlisted with a parent, a parent signature. And by the time I um went off to boot camp, I had just turned 18. And so I spent the next four and a half years in the military because I was like, I went in for the military education benefits. Um, I met my husband who is 10 years older than I am, but he's also uh at the time he was law enforcement. So we had that law enforcement sort of parallel universe. Um got married and then had a had a baby. I got out of the military. And it was about that time that all the stuff with my parents were it was just getting so bad. And so the just like this controlling and this mental abuse and this emotional abuse that was just like an undercurrent my whole childhood was really coming out hardcore. And so it got to be so bad that um after I had had our second child, I just could not deal with it anymore because it became so evident to me that my happiness was worth so much more than their approval because their approval and their love was so conditional that they would only ever tell me that they were proud of me when I was doing what they wanted me to do in the way that they wanted me to do it. And so they didn't like the man that I chose to marry because they didn't see him grow up. I mean, that was like the start of a huge fight, and that just like I didn't we didn't talk for a couple of years after that because they were attacking the person I had already married, you know, and then yeah, just like this manipulation and this control and the the just ultimately the brainwashing and the mind that was happening. Like I was a brand new mom and also in my early 20s and a new mom and a new wife, and also having to deal with so much. And I also started going to school at that time because education benefits expire when you're using uh veterans um benefits. Most people don't know that. So I was like, I have this timeline I have to, you know, get my schooling in on. And so my 20s were really hard because I was overcoming so much that so I was going to school around raising a family and also dealing with all this crap with my biological family, and it just got to be so much that I finally had to ask myself, what is my happiness worth? Is my happiness worth dimming my light for people that claim to love me only when I'm doing what they want me to do? Or is my happiness worth so much more? And my husband and our little family with our two boys, is that worth more? And there was a very pivotal point when I was um attending my grandmother's funeral in person and back in the Midwest where I grew up, and I had my youngest son with me because I was still nursing him, and we had this huge fight between my biological family and myself because I wasn't performing in the way that they wanted me to, and bending over backwards to accommodate them and their schedule when I was like, I'm only here for a short amount of time for this funeral. And I also want to see my best friend who's still here, and I just remember just they started yelling at me. It was my paternal person um yelling at me on the phone. And we were my best friend and I were standing outside this restaurant, and we were getting ready to go have lunch when this was happening, and I didn't have the vocabulary for that for so long. I disassociated because I couldn't even focus on what was happening. And it was just like everything around me just went suddenly quiet. And the only thing that I could even focus on was right across the street from us, where my friend and I were standing, was this beautiful bridal shop with the most beautiful gown in the window. And I just remember going, wow, the bride who wears that is gonna have such a beautiful and happy life. And it was so interesting to me because as I was getting told what a piece of shit I was for having boundaries, I still remembered that happiness was possible. That is so unique. It was it was the most insane experience because then all of a sudden everything was back on full volume and my paternal kept just rah-rah rah in my ear. And I just remember just being done. You know, when I signed off on that phone call of goodbye, I love you. I knew in my soul that that was be the last time I ever spoke to them. Because I was like, I'm never going to be enough. I'm either going to be too much or too little of the wrong thing, and I'm never going to be allowed to be me. I am never going to be supported and loved the way that I need to be. And to this day, they still try to reach out from time to time. And I just every time I just try to block them because they just try to get through whatever boundaries and filters that I've set up through email and social media blocking because they will never, they will never admit that they were wrong and take that responsibility. And so again, it was just this it's not me, it's them problem. And I carried that guilt and that shame for a long time because it wasn't until that had happened that my best friend, who I've known since I was eight years old, who was standing with me that day, she couldn't even speak about it for months because she's like, I had no idea it was that bad.

SPEAKER_02: 14:11

Like that's your life.

SPEAKER_01: 14:13

That was my life. And I was so ashamed about it that I didn't tell anybody because I thought it was me. I was programmed to be the problem. And so I put that on. And it was just heartbreaking that ultimately I ended up severing connections, not just with my maternal and paternal side of things, but my entire family. So I no longer speak to aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, siblings, like none of them. Because I had to take a really big audit of my life and to be like the people who are influencing them and me, right? Like, I can't pretend to be a half of me with any of them because it's all gonna trickle back, right? Like, and then like I can't be authentically and genuinely me if I'm continuingly to dim my light for everybody else. And so I walked away from my entire side of the family, and I like to liken it to I pruned my family tree.

SPEAKER_00: 15:17

I heard you say that, and I was like, damn, but really though, you did. There's so much here to unpack, and I want to get into some of this with you because I feel like there is so many avenues we could take with all of this story. And this isn't just a story, this is your life. Like this is a whole entire dynamic of a life, a soul, a person that's not a story, you know. You can put it in a book, sure. You can speak about it, but the emotional consequences and everything as a human, like to humanize this whole entire experience is a lot. And I mean, you started at four years old understanding this, which is not okay, so I have a four-year-old right now, and by all means, I've never met a more magical person in my life, and I really feel like this is how we all begin. And as you said, your words, you're programmed, you are being programmed. You knew it for you were being programmed to be small, you didn't have words, you just felt yucky. If it if you were acting one way and it wasn't, you know, making your parents happy. It felt yucky. That's your intuition, that gut that we all self-abandon and we move through life learning at a very early age how to self-abandon all of this, and then make decisions based off of that self-abandonment, and you don't even know who you are making decisions anymore, right? So, like you came in, I wrote some notes because I'm like, there's so much here, but with that, you came in to knowing you wanted school, you wanted to be a doctorate, like that was a goal. You knew algebra was hard, but you had zero fear. You went and you sidestepped the financial institution in a way that it was also not easy going into the Coast Guard, right? And then you're out, you're having kids, you're married, and you're choosing this like radical life that you were programmed in a radical way being treated this way, and then you have your ease and comfort with your husband in your normal life and your normalcy with friends, and you're confused as all get out. Like, how do you break that chain? Like, how in the moment that bridal shop was like that was your like your light coming down, like, oh you know, like there's happiness out there. I'm just not in it right now. And screw you for making me feel this way. Pretty much, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 18:16

There was one moment when we were right in the middle of all of that, and there was just one blow-up after another blow up, and at one point I'm sitting in the I'm standing in the kitchen and I'm making dinner, and I'm just blah inside, you know, and my husband comes home from work and I just go and he's like, oh, we're cursing now. Okay, f this. There's just like sometimes you just can't even put it into words, right? Like you just are like, I just I can't bottle it up anymore. And that's what it became was I could not bottle it up anymore. Is I was not being authentic to who I was meant to be. I know, knew at a young age I was meant for big things. Like what four-year-old is starting to go, like, yeah, this isn't right. Like, what four-year-old has that kind of, you know, like otherworldly knowledge, you know, but I know that my soul came here to do big things. And I just remember, like, you know, once I walked away from my biological family, I was going through school, and then I had another betrayal down the line by someone that I really trusted and respected. And that betrayal from that person in my life, um, he was kind of an authority figure, and I won't go into too much detail with that, but that betrayal was what really prompted me to do the inner work because the biological stuff had happened and I just shoved it down deep and didn't deal with it. I was just like, yeah, happiness is out there and I'm worthy of that, but I didn't do the work, you know? And so during the pandemic, when this happened with this other individual, and then I was literally just grappling with this internal war. And I think that betrayal had to happen because otherwise I would have just kept going, kind of skating in some kind of like murky waters that I wasn't like really scared to like swim in, but I wasn't like, yeah, this is like nice sauna water either. You know what I mean? Um, and that was really the pivotal point was now I'm gonna sit with this. My anger is really grief. I still grieve for people who are still alive. I have a hard time around the holidays because I do have a handful of really amazing family memories growing up, you know. So there's grief, you know, and you have to you have to hold that space and you have to do the work to layer by layer come home to yourself, you know. And if I hadn't started that process about four or five years ago, I don't think I would be where I'm at, where I do feel like I'm truly on my soul's journey. Like I feel like I've always sort of been connecting the dots, but now it feels joyful. It feels light, it feels like I'm at ease. You know, like I just graduated with my master's program this last uh uh June. So just a couple months ago. And for the first time in my life, I'm not striving towards a degree and a credential. And my doctorate is put on hold right now because the whole federal funding issue has got a lot of stuff just not, you know, science is not being funded right now. And so to put a dream that I've had since I was 16 on hold for a little longer, it it doesn't feel great inside, but it's also like what's a couple more years.

SPEAKER_00: 22:02

Um, you have a master's degree. Did everybody catch that? Like, you've got a master's degree now, and you went through all of that, what since 2020?

SPEAKER_01: 22:14

I've been going to school for 13 years straight. So I've been going to school every summer and term that I could for the last two kids. With two kids, yeah. So it just took me a lot longer than most people.

SPEAKER_00: 22:25

I mean, okay, but but it took you and you got it. And a lot of people who go into the military with that mindset of I'm gonna do the military just so I can go to school for free. I would love to see that statistic on who actually makes it to the schooling and who gets the master's degree. I'm not even counting the doctorate, you know. Like, who does that? You do. I know one person, and that's you.

SPEAKER_01: 22:53

Yeah, me. I I literally have never met anybody else who did the route that I have done. No. Um, it's just not something that most people think of. And at 16, 17, I just was really resourceful and was like, my greatest resource is my resourcefulness, right? Absolutely. Um I've always been able to sort of think abstract. But yes, like to celebrate that accomplishment, that's something that I we always just move the goalpost. And so we never like stand long enough at the at the end zone and cheer for what we've done, right? And so this is that time and space where I get to also celebrate that I've done these things.

SPEAKER_00: 23:34

I love that. I'm gonna pause that. We move the goalpost and we don't spend enough time celebrating and cheering for ourselves. Now that's not just what I would consider something for like education, moving the goalpost for inner work, and we don't even know that we do it. And but when we do it, we don't even take the time to celebrate ourselves and be like, look at this. You know, I can now talk about this very traumatic story, cutting these people out of my life and not even phased. And that is how you know you've healed. And you don't have to carry this like baggage anymore. You get to be like standing up and you're just like this soul, and you're now aligned, and you got to move through and up and see this other dude for what that was and experience that, do more work, graduate in your master's degree, and you're like, I'm breathing. I'm not holding my breath anymore for anything. Like, how cool is that?

SPEAKER_01: 24:42

It it really did feel like that. It felt like for the first time I could breathe again. You know, I just remember like I tried therapy, and two of my people in my life are mental health therapists, and it just didn't quite do what I needed it to do. And the internal work for me came when I started hiking by myself. And I I grew up very, very religious and I'm no longer religious, I'm very spiritual now. Because I'm like, I don't need to be in a building to talk to the universe. So I don't say God because that just feels too crunchy for me, too religious aligned. So I say universe. Um, I go out and hike and I talk to the trees and they don't judge me. I can go and cry my face off, and I'm not gonna get told I'm being too much, right? Like I had to find the environment where I could heal. I have a very, very supportive and amazing husband. We just celebrated 17 years of marriage together. Oh, congrats. Thank you. He's my best friend, you know. But there just gets to a point where I'm like, I gotta deal with this on my own. And going in and being in those woods was what healed me. You know, being able to take it apart in the way that I needed to, and with curiosity, with love, and not that judgment and that shame that I had carried for so long. And it was like this one analogy from the brief time that I was with a therapist. She's like, I just see you carrying everybody else's suitcases full of shit. And you need to put their suitcases down, those are not your things to carry anymore. And I thought, wow, what an amazing analogy of putting down what's not ours to carry and only moving forward with what is ours, you know, and I think that was just such a beautiful thing too. And so the healing work is never done, of course. But, you know, like you said, like to be able to share my story. I've shared it with a few other people a couple of years ago, and they each in their own way came back to me and said, Carassa, I know that I could get through my stuff because you got through yours, which was so powerful. Cause for so long, I was like, why did I have to go through this alone? I never had anybody else that had to do what I had to do. And when I decided I wanted to put out my podcast, That Ask Uh Thriving, I was like, what's the first story I want to say? I want to share. And I was like, it has to be my story because I need, I need to tell my story. It's not I have to tell it, it's I need to tell it. And I need to do it in a way that feels aligned. I recorded that hiking in the woods because then my body wasn't freaking out. I was doing something active. And then I was able to really release out my story in a way that felt aligned. And it was so hard to share because it was so vulnerable. And that whole weekend that I had published it on a Friday morning, that whole weekend, I wanted to tear it down. Oh, yeah. I wanted to tear it down if I was like, it's not too late. Nobody's listened to it. Yeah. I know that feeling. That vulnerability hangover that happened. Yeah. I was like, but I had to sit with that discomfort because I knew for the greater good that my story will help others, hopefully in a way that feels like I'm maybe giving them a little bit of a roadmap or or a map and a flashlight or something where it's a little bit of a survival manual for other people who are also just going through really hard times.

SPEAKER_00: 28:38

So um so when you say you went through a lot of this by yourself, but luckily you had your partner, your husband with you, and he's your best friend or rock. And you went to therapy a little bit here, but your main source, like your main energy, had to be done on your own, on your own terms. And I'm I really love to call that out because you chose like going into the woods, and that's where you found your your main source. Like mine is through yoga and meditation. And I love the fact that it's not the same. Like, oh my God, there's so many avenues people can choose that can provide this self-healing. My dad goes fishing by himself, like he's gotta be out there, and that's him talking to his God, you know. And I love that there are these different modalities. Can you talk to that and what that means for you? Because, like, maybe somebody does just doesn't know they could take a hike in the woods. Like, what's that like?

SPEAKER_01: 29:48

Yeah, absolutely. It's such a great question. So I absolutely love working out. One of my degrees is also in exercise physiology. So I love lifting weights, I love lifting. Heavy. I was a CrossFit instructor at one time. So, like some of my best workouts were when I was going through the hardest shit because I could put that out onto the weights, right? You can defer that. But there was something that just like I couldn't fully process at that intensity. Like you can put anger out into the weights, right? Like you can defer that. But there was something that I needed to be able to wander in the woods for hours. And I would bring all my rain gear, I'd bring a backpack full of snacks and water, and I'd bring my journal, and I would just wander and I would rant at the universe because there was something about the time to get to where I needed to go, which was nowhere, right? Like I didn't have a destination. You can only lift weights for so long before you're like, okay, my everything is tired and sore. Um, but there was something about I live in Oregon, so I live on the Pacific Northwest. There's a lot of beautiful mountains out here. Lucky enough that there's some beautiful nature trails just a couple miles from us, and they're like mountain biking trails. And so they're relatively well groomed. And um, and I the the the nastier the weather the better. So then I'm out there and it's just me. It's just me. Because when I was going through that second part of my journey where I had that betrayal and I shared with a couple of different friends what was happening, I was judged really harshly. And I was like, I don't feel safe, you know, like telling this part of this story to anybody that I consider a friend because now I felt like the people that I could trust turned on me. So I was like, who can I talk to? I can talk to the trees. The trees are not gonna, you know, give me whatever. Um, and there was just something about being in the green, in the forest, in the deep woods where I see elk and I see squirrels and the birds, and I mean, just there's something so soothing about being in the in the woods anyway, like being in nature. Um and it just it would take me probably four miles before I could turn off the chatter that was happening in my head of all the the ego and the the programming and the the biological, you know, voices that were going on and to actually find some kind of peace because it just couldn't turn it off. Like there was there was no switch. That was the best thing I could find to find relief to that, because like I'm a very like analytical-minded, um, abstract. I can think very abstract, I can do like all these amazing things, but I'm like, I needed to get out of my own head and back into my soul, back into my body, back to feeling present. And the best thing that I could do was just start journaling and just as fast as I could write, you know, and oh yeah, in meditation. And so it's like I had to get all the crap out of my head before I could meditate because I just couldn't get past that surface layer of all the chaos, you know. And so um, I feel like I can tap into it a lot faster now when I am just sitting in my room and meditating, but it took a lot of work to get there because there was just so much in the dumpster that I had to get out, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 33:34

Yeah, it's like a love muscle too, you know, you gotta flex it before you can use it, you know? So yeah, absolutely. And that is beautiful. And I totally feel like I've lived some of these, like just going out into the woods, just you know, um, and finding that like until it's clear enough to just sit with yourself for a bit. Absolutely. So I have some questions, and this could be a whole entire podcast, but I want to ask just to brace the surface. You knowing how you were so programmed and so deep into being having to be somebody you knew inherently that you weren't, how did that affect you when you turned into your own motherhood? And did you notice how things were um basically being transmitted into your own kids from you from what you experienced?

SPEAKER_01: 34:35

Absolutely. I mean, it is shocking to me. The work is never done with you know your own internal healing. And there are moments that it just creeps back up in the moment of getting whatever happening with my kids. You know, so I have two sons. I have a 14-year-old and a nine-year-old. And um reparenting myself at the same time that I am being a parent is one of the hardest things that I've done ever. You know, it's in the moment I get triggered, and oftentimes I can acknowledge that it's happening and I can stop whatever internal crap is coming up, and I can, you know, transmute that into something much better than the old programming. And there's been a few times where it's just crept out and I just didn't realize it. And I actually remember this happening. Um, I'm trying to remember when it was. I think it was this spring, early, early this spring. My oldest son was doing pre-algebra, and he came home needing to do his homework. He doesn't get homework very often, but I was trying to help him also navigating all of my internship that I was going through as a dietitian. And so I was just like maxed the hell out, you know, and we're sitting there, it's getting later and later, and I'm like trying to get him to finish his algebra, and I'm trying to remember some of these like pre-algebra equations. It's been a little bit since I've done that, right? And I said something, it just slipped out where I I said something derogatory in a way of like, well, you should just know already. Like just something that way, and I was mortified because it just came out. Like that there was no filter, and I'm normally so good at filtering. And I apologized to him, but you know, and he he didn't think anything of it, but I did. And I I sat with that that night, and I was like, whoa, why the hell did that come out like that? And I realized because at pre-algebra age, right, 12, 13, I stopped being parented. So that didn't realize was a trigger for me. And I remember being told, well, don't why don't you just understand this already? And it was just so awful to feel that. And I had a good conversation with my son the next day. I apologized again. And he was like, I just thought you were joking. And I was like, that's not how I joke, and you know that. And he was like, No, I know. And I was like, I explained because he he knows my story the best that my children can understand it. I've given them, you know, some of that. But um, it was so heartbreaking to me because no kid should ever be told that, you know, and to be made feel like, well, if you don't know this, you're just a complete shit. You're just so stupid, you know, and that's what I've been made to feel. And it was just, it was really, really sad. And I recognized that that was a trigger that I just didn't even know was a trigger. I mean, like being disrespected is one of my biggest triggers. And so when my nine-year-old is not following his chore chart and he's giving me all the grief about it, and I have to sit there and hold that space, knowing I'm being disrespected. You know, I start feeling the like prickle in my scalp, and they start getting kind of like angsty inside. I have to go, okay, we're gonna sit with this, right? This is your trigger, and we know this. And I'm gonna take some deep breaths before I respond. Because if I respond right now, I'm gonna bite his head off. And I can't come from a place of being regulated. Like I can't. I'm gonna be reactive instead. And so I think just more internal work that I have done, the more awareness I have brought to that for myself. Nobody else can tell me, oh, Crassite, you're about to get triggered, right? Like, I have to sit with that. I have to know, okay, we're tiptoeing into dangerous territory here. And I have to use communication to my best of my ability to say, I'm feeling disrespected now. I don't feel like you're being loving and kind to me right now. This doesn't feel nice to me inside, right? Like my nine-year-old, he's a very, I call him he's feral. He's a little bit wild. So I have to try to rein that back in to be like, okay, buddy, we need to have a conversation on how you're making mom feel right now because your actions affect other people, right? So it's also like trying to navigate how I am feeling, but also parenting at the same time. Like it is so hard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 39:40

Yeah. Of like, wow, the the mini hats and masks that I have to wear in a day. I'm exhausted. It's nine o'clock.

unknown: 39:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 39:49

Exhausting. Um, but I think it's also just giving so much grace. You know, last night they didn't want to do the dishes after my husband and I made dinner together. It was like, all right, you guys are on cleanup duty. And it got a little testy right before bedtime. And just like, okay, tomorrow's a better day. There's no mistakes in it yet. Right. Like everybody's held to the same, like, we're human, we have hard days. Some days are easier, some days are harder. Tomorrow's a brand new day. We'll come back together as a team. That's a lot too that we talk about is like we are all team here. Like it's not mom and dad and then two kids. It's we are all a team working together because I don't want to do all the housework myself. Like, that's not fair. You guys are best here than I am.

SPEAKER_00: 40:37

Right. We do that with Theo too, and it is a team. It's been a team with I mean, I've had the parents that taught that too. But the fact that you get to have that and you pass it down, but I will say, like, I'm I have a parent that didn't get the same team mentality growing up, and now she's coming in and she put that in and sealed it with my family and and my dad and my brother, and we have always been that way. So I will say, from an adult standpoint that had a parent experience, not to your depths by any means, but like the hardships with their own things, I will say you're doing a good job. All that to say, you're doing a good job. I respect that. Thank you. You're phenomenal with what you've been able to accomplish, and I'm sure your kids see that. Your education, your continuous to do your self-help, and then bringing that into the family. What what do you have? What else you got going on? Like you're just like you are a magic person. 444 Friday the 13th. There's more.

SPEAKER_01: 42:02

It's it's so interesting right now in this period of time because it occurred to me, you know, like the last couple of weeks. I put my podcast on hold for a little bit. I needed to pause. I did 10 episodes for the first season, and it brought me so much joy. And I was studying for my dietitian exam. And so there was just a lot happening over the summer. And so when my kids got back to school, I just realized I was so, so freaking exhausted. And I was like, wow, like I haven't actually taken a minute to breathe and to pause and to fully sit in what I've just done. You know, it's been my goal since I was 16. And I have actively been working through all of this for so long. And, you know, my doctorate is on hold for for um who knows how long, but it's gonna happen. We just don't know, right? Like when we're not in charge of the timing around here. Um, and so for the first time in 21 years, I have so much blank space on my calendar that to sit with that is really uncomfortable because I'm used to being so busy all the time that I have to sit and and remind my nervous system it's safe to rest. Right. Like I, for the last two weeks, haven't have barely worked out because I've just been to this exhaustion burnout point. And then I was just like, oh my gosh, I feel like I'm on the verge of getting sick. And so I was like, all right, I need extra rest. I need just those really light walks and yoga and meditation and those things that feel like joy again. Cause I'm like, nothing feels joyful right now. Everything feels heavy, right? Like everything feels so heavy. So I'm like, what feels like joy to me? And so I am really trying to that's my filtration system right now is what feels like a full body, 100% hell yes. What feels like joy? And like putting those little moments of joy together, like they're the little connect the dots, you know, and to just be like, what next thing feels aligned to me right now? And you know, it's one of those things like I'm trying to get my private practice up and running and moving forward, and I'm, you know, wondering what I want to do with my podcast, but like I'm I'm not putting pressure on myself for it. I'm gonna let it breathe so that I can come back feeling rejuvenated and refreshed because I know I have so much to give that if I'm not careful, I'm gonna keep burning myself out. And those are just my passion projects, let alone my career path, right? Like I'm also trying to like figure out what that looks like. And, you know, could be something in the near future. I don't know, right? And so there's like just playing with the possibilities at the moment just feels really fun. You know, it's I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_00: 44:57

I love it, I love that so much. I mean, and to honor that and honor the balance, considering we did just start our Libra's season, which is my favorite because it's also my birthday season, but you know, who is that but and the balance is so necessary, I think, to be able to even move forward. And I think the being caught up and acknowledging that you are caught up is like such a powerful move to say, wow, my life, I'm a little bit sick, I might be on the verge. I need to take a break. Like, I need to take a break. And it I feel like this is something that you've been able to hone in on since you were four, probably before. Like you're an you're an intuitive balanced person anyway, which is amazing.

SPEAKER_01: 45:56

And it's so interesting that you bring that up because when I was little, being told those things, I felt like I wasn't intuitive for a long time because I was told basically to shut that part of me off. And when my intuition was muted, if you will, for a long time. It wasn't until that stuff with um someone I considered a mentor and a friend who betrayed me that my intuition was so loud that I had to get the hell out of that particular uh event as soon as possible. And so it's even when you think like you're so far removed from who you were, you know, you're no longer aligned with your soul in that way, right? When it counted, it was there. Oh yeah. And it was so loud, and it was the quietest thing and it was the loudest thing, and it was in me and around me all at the same time where I felt the back of my hair prickle. Like there was stuff that I was like, whoa, you know, and so I think it's just a reminder of our soul is kind of just sitting there. It's it's the guardian angel, it's the guardrails, it's still there, even if we think we have departed so far from it, it's still there. You know, it's only just a breath away. And then when it counts, it's loud. And so I think that was such a beautiful thing to to feel like I wasn't as far away from home as I thought I was, and then I've just kept coming home.

SPEAKER_00: 47:33

That is awesome. That's literally the message in the bottle of this whole entire thing, your whole entire life. Like it is when it counts, it's there. It gets loud on every platform. I feel like on every single thing, even in my own in my own life, I can't deny myself saying, It's I've never been intuitive. No, it was there, and I've self-abandoned, I've like turned my shoulder, I've like went the other way on purpose and landed flat on my face. But when it counted and it was like, get out, wake up, here it is. How much more clear can I get? It's so there, and yeah, we are we have this guardian angel, like you said, like that is our soul, that is our intuition, that is who is speaking to us.

SPEAKER_02: 48:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_00: 48:36

I love that. Yeah, yeah. Wrap that up and put that in a podcast, and then we will see that out.

SPEAKER_01: 48:44

Well, you can come in, we'll uh you can come over and uh we'll we'll keep circling back because I think there's just so many things that you know you can take apart, and it just comes back to some of the same messaging, you know, of just why are we here, right? Like that's always the question, what am I doing here? But it's like we're here to live a joyful life, we're here to find happiness. And happiness doesn't isn't the opposite of depression. Happiness is where we find our purpose and we feel like we can make an impact in those around us, and that brings a lot of just fulfillment, you know. So everybody's a little different, so that's not as easy for everybody to answer, but um yeah, I feel like the lightest that I've ever been, you know, for this whole mantra this year has been let it go, let it flow, and let it be at ease. And that's what I've been trying to lean into. I love that.

SPEAKER_00: 49:42

I love that. Yeah. I love that, Caressa. I love everything you just said. I really did bring that in, and it was like totally it. And I wonder how can people find you? How can we support you in your dietitian? You said you want to open your own practice. How can we support you moving forward?

SPEAKER_01: 50:06

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. So I am starting my own private practice. It's called A Is for Avocados because there's the ABCs of nutrition. Um, so I am taking one-on-one nutrition clients. I have a 16-week program with exercise and fitness already all programmed in, and we work week by week through a lot of different systems and structures that need to go into making lifestyle changes. So my website is a is for avocados.com. Um, I also have the badass avocado newsletter. So you can subscribe to that. And my podcast is badass thriving podcast. You can find me on Apple and Spotify. I'm also on social media, uh Badass Thriving Podcast or Caressa R Dunfey. Um, so you can find me multiple different ways and multiple different uh avenues. Hopefully, we'll help you in whatever journey you're on.

SPEAKER_00: 50:55

That is perfect. I'm gonna put all that in our show notes. So I will have all of that available for our listeners today. And I just want to thank you so much for your courage and coming up with full heart, putting this all out there, full authenticity, and to be able to really teach us something today was a different way to heal and how to tune into your intuition. I mean, that was those are so powerful. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here and sharing the love.

SPEAKER_01: 51:33

You're welcome. It was such an honor to chat with you today. I feel so supported. So thank you for just having such a lovely conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 51:42

Absolutely. All right, I'll put you out there on our show notes. Caressa Dumpy, everybody.