Feral, Intentional, and Finally Me 🔥

I thought I was celebrating a bachelorette party…
what actually happened was a full identity shift.

In this episode, I’m sharing what it looked like to come face-to-face with every version of myself—
the soft one, the wild one, the one who stayed too long, and the one who finally chose more.

And for the first time… I didn’t try to change her.

Surrounded by 12 women, I saw myself reflected back in ways that felt raw, powerful, and deeply affirming.

This wasn’t just a celebration.
This was reclamation.

Of my voice.
My energy.
My standards.
My life.

We talk about what it really means to stop abandoning yourself—and how that shows up in your relationships, your work, and the quiet decisions you make every day.

Because at some point, you realize…
you’re not becoming her.

You’re finally allowing yourself to be her.

Feral. Intentional. And fully you.

🔑 WHAT YOU’LL HEAR

•  The moment that shifted everything for me 
•  Why the women in your life are mirrors (not accidents) 
•  The identities we carry: soft, wild, people-pleasing, powerful 
•  What “self-abandonment” actually looks like in real life 
•  How to start choosing yourself without blowing up your whole life 
•  The difference between becoming vs. embodying

 0:00 — I thought this was just a bachelorette… 

 1:15 — The energy in the room 

 3:30 — Meeting every version of myself 

 6:45 — The mirror effect 

 9:30 — What self-abandonment actually looks like 

 13:00 — The moment everything

Lotus and Luna
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Tabatha Debruyn 9D Breathwork
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Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the FITSIN Project. I'm your host, Rachel Fitzpatrick, and I am so happy you decided to tune in today. Because I've got something really special lined up for this one year anniversary. This is the one year anniversary for my podcast, y'all. Like literally now. Now is the time. Um, I thought it was pretty fun because I uh last week didn't do one. I didn't have a podcast at all. I didn't send an email. I just decided, man, I'm taking my time. And it felt great to go back to having my time. So not that um podcasting takes a lot of my time and energy or anything in a negative light. I actually really enjoy spreading the word, but I also really enjoy just not doing it at the same time, like just being on vacation, which is exactly what I was. So uh I didn't tell anybody I wasn't gonna have an episode. I also didn't tell anybody I wasn't gonna send an email, but I did send an email um allowing um everyone to get to enter into this giveaway. I was giving away two free tickets to the Kentucky Yoga Festival and Mark Porter, Mark won. So I'm really excited for that dude. He has been um a real big shift in my energy for the past year, and he uh entered to win, and I was really excited about it. So, yes, congrats Mark. I hope to see you at the Kentucky Yoga Festival, and I will be teaching there along with my mom to um being in the business of yourself, you know what I mean? So it's happening Saturday, that Saturday morning. But anyway, back to this episode. Ah, I want to tell you about it. Okay, but first I want to give a quick shout out to some of my people. Lotus and Luna is a really great way to wear uh fair trade clothes that feel really good. Look them up. You can use code FITSIN to get 20% off if you decide that you want a nice uh harm pants and a kimono. So go check them out. Also, Rage Create. Y'all already know that I love these guys, so everything they create, I buy. I just love all of their decks, their affirmation decks, their calendar, their pads to write on. I love absolutely everything from that company. You can also use code FITSIN at checkout for 20% off. And my favorite is lifeform yoga mats. So you can use the link in the show notes if you're interested in getting a new yoga mat. I have been practicing yoga for a solid 10 plus years now, definitely 10 plus years. Anyway, I've done all the yoga. So I've done hot yoga, yen yoga. Um I just I thought about goat yoga, but that's just not up my alley. But anyway, if I was getting a mat, if I was gonna have a mat mat, or I'm not gonna slide around. Life form yoga is where it's at. It's the only mat I practice on these days. They have travel size mats, they have regular size mats, they have mats for tall people, mats for kids, all of the things, and they're beautiful creations as well. And they're really conscious about how they make their mats. It's not with um harmful plastics, so you don't find that in everyday mats. But anyway, go check them out. All right, now back to the beef of today. Yeah, the beef of the day. Man, celebrating one year of a podcast is kind of a big deal if you let it be. But getting married and having a bachelorette party. Well, that one kind of took the cake, and that's what I was doing, y'all, last week. I was on vacation with my mom and my son. We had our own bachelorette time, and it was perfect. We walked the beach, we caught some seashells, found some crystals organically with the ocean. It was pure magic, and I loved every minute of it. Come back, work a few days, went on my other bachelorette party with all my girlfriends, and something major happened that I don't think I really realized until after I sat with myself a little bit for reflection. And um it was that like I thought I was having a bachelorette party, but really what happened was um I met every single version of myself in the same room as me. So it was truly like one of the coolest things to get to do with my friends. So there's about 11 of us there, and my friends didn't tell me anything that was gonna happen. They were just like, wear white, and I'm like done, and look cute, done. So I bought this awesome dress, and then I just so happened to have matching shoes from thanks to my sister-in-law who got those for me a year ago. I didn't even know I'd be wearing them, and yeah, a perfect match all up and down. It was the freaking cutest. Anyway, um, we're all there, they're in their black dresses, and we go out to dinner to this really wonderful restaurant in Louisville. It's called Le Mou, and they greeted us with a champagne toast. And I don't know if y'all know, but uh for the past two years I've been really conscious about not drinking and have been living this like sober lifestyle for a very long time. And at the same time, I allow myself to partake in libations if it's just gonna be um an experience of a night, such as a bachelorette party, um, when Josh proposed to me in London. Um we had just gotten back from the Queen Mary's Rose Gardens from his proposal. We totally had a glass of champagne to celebrate ourselves, and yeah, so it just seemed like it was right, you know? So I did, and I it was great. And I had my little glass of champagne, and we all sat down, and I I wanted to have four of my favorite drinks, so I did throughout the night, and I'll tell you about it as we go. And as we started, I started with my espresso martini, like throwing it back. Um, it was so good, so delicious. It was like the perfect little appetizer, too. And I wanted uh pick me up with the espresso shot, and I'm really super sensitive to caffeine, so it was like it was gonna be on. That's just kind of how it was. But the energy in the room, like we were all there together, and it was like some of them have met each other, and then some of them haven't met each other, but yet I had known these women for man, six years plus, all of them at least, at the minimum, six years, and then the uh longest relationship there was 21 years, so it was kind of fun to see how everybody um came in and sat together, which, like I said, it was like I just I don't know, it was like I met every version of myself at dinner, and it was just so fun to be a witness to it, like some of the laughter and the inside jokes that we had, and like the depth of how long those relationships were, and how we could just still like look at each other and know exactly what we were all thinking, and then the appreciation for every single mirror moment that I had, you know, like from one friend who was going through a tough time to another friend who was having the highlight of her entire career, and it's just been so a building block of a life, and I'm like I see myself in every single one of you, and it was really just amazing because like you did, you had like the soft one there and the wild one, and the one who wanted to stay forever with me, and the one who needed to go home because she needed a reprieve from her own mental state, and but was still there like to show up and to be present in a last minute situation. It was one of those um just moments where like there was nothing to fix because we were all there, but it was everything we needed and wanted to integrate and do and so together and experiencing dinner and drinks and funnies and all sorts of things. And at one moment I literally stopped myself in the middle of it all. I went to the bathroom and I was just like, this is what it looks like when you stop abandoning yourself, you know? Because, like, like I've said before, like they've all been through with me for six plus years, six to twenty one years, right? At least one of them has seen all of me through and through, through all of the things. But they've seen my failed relationships, they've seen my jobs and how I've carried myself in my career, they've seen me pre-motherhood, pregnant, and post-motherhood, and how COVID affected every single one of us. Like they've seen all of the depth of who I am and have been part of me through all of that in all the years, and it was just like wow, this is what it looks like when I actually stop. And it was bizarre, it was such a realization, like a truth bomb, just like you know. So when I go back to the table and I'm sitting with them, I'm like, every single one of my personalities are here, and I brought that up and I started talking about it, and they're like, oh my god, it's true, you know, it's so true. Like every single one of my personalities were sitting there at the table, but they were amplified in whatever personality they had at the moment that they also carry with me and for me and around me. So it was literally like embodying all of these women. I just that's how it felt, and that was where that structure met soul type thing, right? So, and I'm not just talking through the espresso martini. I'm just saying real talk here. It you are who you hang out with, you are who your friends are, and I was really fucking proud of the people that I got to sit with, man. It was such an honor and a privilege to have them by my side and be with me for a night. And it was literally like I wasn't becoming anyone anymore. I was her, you know, like I was standing in um this portal in this move of everything I had worked so hard to build in myself. Like the past two years of sobriety and making choices, but before that, being in that motherhood era with some of those women that were there, and but then before that, being in like the party and being in the career and being in everything else that made me up to that point. I was I had just felt I had been working so hard in my life, and I at my bachelorette party just felt like I made it in a sense. And of course, I'm not done by any stretch of the imagination, but it was uh what it meant for me internally, like that whole entire thing. And as the night moved on, it was so wonderful. And we uh danced and we played and we took some uh raw ass pictures and we uh made some fun, fun memories, and we were just like uh throwing up our middle fingers every single day because like I'm finessed and also not. And also, like if you know me, you know me, right? Like you already know that uh we're done with like the people pleasing, and you already know that like there's nothing else to become because we are that now, and like we just didn't give any fucks, and that's exactly how it went all night long, and it was like everywhere we went, they were like, Yes, you know, they were just like, get it, girls, and we did, and it was so much fun, and then at the end of the night, and this was what really got me because like I had all of the drinks that I wanted to have. I had my champagne, my espresso martini, I had a little bit of wine, and I I stopped with a French 75 that was also poorly made at this like hotel bar, but it didn't matter because whatever was done. And then I carried with my water for the rest of the night that we stayed out till 4 a.m. Because I mean it was my bachelorette party, why not? But anyway, we went to this bar and we ended up there at the very end of the night. This woman popped around the corner like the leprechaun she is, she's like that, and I'm like, oh and it was just so much of me in another quantum leap, quantum portal type situation. And I was like, you know what? I am not gonna be mad at this. I'm embracing all of it because it's so full circle. Because at one point in my life, I was that little drunk ass leprechaun that would pop around the corner at anybody's like uh party that they were having that I wasn't invited to, and be like, this is the best. And uh that was me. That was me, like 10 years ago. That was me, and I appreciated that moment so much more than I think I give myself credit for, or her to be quite frank, but I appreciated that so much that I mean I can't even tell you about it, I can't even put it into words really. I should have probably thought about this before I decided to record, but anyway, it just felt like right on time, and what really sparked all of this intentionality was while I've met all of me that got me to my bachelorette party through these women, I showed up in my today choices. Like I said, I had four drinks total for the whole night, and that's not a to that's not a choice that me 10 years ago, me six years ago, me three years ago would have made for my bachelorette party. And I'm really freaking proud of myself for that. And I didn't do any hasty things and stuff like that that I would have otherwise emotionally blamed alcohol for. I didn't have to. And an I felt urges to maybe, yeah, get the beer. Knowing that I'm like ill towards beer, physically, like in my body, I can just it doesn't resonate with me anymore. A part of me kept going in that direction. Get another glass of wine, take the shot that every single body wanted you to have, and I just didn't, you know. Anyway, my little leprechaun friend poked up and was like, Let me buy you a drink. I'm like, Alright, give me a water. She reopened her tab, got me a water, and I was like, Oh, it's perfectly fine with my water, and I don't know, she was still there when we left, so whatever. But it was like it was great because also what happened was there was not an energy leak the next day, and man, that's something I'm really freaking proud of myself for. Is uh there wasn't an energy leak about from me, you know, like yeah, I didn't sleep a whole eight hours, blah blah whatever. That's whatever to be expected, but also didn't wake up wanting to throw up or kill myself or anything like that or jump off a bridge. I was no no regret, no weird texting, no none of that, none of I was just perfectly in line. So I left, went home to my family, and then we went and got my soon-to-be husband's suit, my son's suit for our wedding. They tried him on, we went to dinner, we came home, we had a family movie. The next day we went on a big hike to the Red River Gorge, and life has been on point as usual, and I'm so happy about it, and I'm really extremely proud of me. So it was a bachelorette to remember, and um I'm also extremely grateful for all the women I've been that got me here, and I've spent a long time um shaming some of them, and I spent a long time not wanting to admit that I'm part of some of them. Those women, my personalities, my people, my things, but those low-level identity shifts before the first time and maybe forever. I can truly show up with any one of them. Any one of these women I've been, and I don't have to stay in that past, but I get to show up with them as me today, and I hope that lands the way I say it. There's not another way to put that for me. And um just truthfully honored by the friends that showed up with me, and the divine timing of the little leprechaun, and also just celebrating this portal and this moment I'm in and walking through as me, no more becoming, but totally just authentically me, and saying I do to the only man that's really treated me with every ounce of admiration, respect, love, tenderness, patience, and I feel extremely lucky. So that was a perfect celebration of one year of a podcast, if I could have ever put that into words. I don't think I could do better. It was a perfect bachelorette party weekend, and in two days from now, on April 22nd, it will be two years that I made the decision to stop making alcohol a priority in my life. And while I'd have my moment of celebration and I do partake in some libations, this is a shift of identity for me. Not necessarily needing to be uh sober because of XYZ, because I'm not to be trusted of XYZ, and also not needing any explanation, but the identity to be in alignment and be her, no more becoming. So as this phase shifts into evolving into whoever I will evolve into, and getting into um this next book of my life with Josh, my shared friendships, his friendships, our family. I'm extremely proud. Very proud. So thanks for listening to my TED Talk podcast. If this resonated, I hope you share it with the woman you see yourself in. That's it. That's all. I love y'all. This was one of the best.